I groan and roll over in bed after having slept in too late. Again.
I come eye to eye with my son Bradley, who is standing beside the bed. He chirps way too loudly in my ear, “Wake up Mom! It’s morning time.”
I had every intention of waking up earlier. Getting a head start on my day before Bradley woke up, but once again, I hadn’t fallen asleep until the wee hours of the morning, making it nearly impossible to wake up on time.
I stumble out of bed shuffle around for something to wear, rub my puffy eyes and head downstairs to get breakfast for the hungry, growing boy.
He picks out his favorite cereal.
He calls it ‘Squishy cereal’.
I get him situated in a chair, pour some milk into the bowl full of cereal, and head back to the kitchen.
I grab my biggest mug and fill it to the top with coffee my husband made before he left for work.
A wonderful Honduran blend. Black. No cream. No sugar.
I remember I hadn’t packed his lunch for that day. I silently wonder what he found to eat. I groan, feeling like a failure.
I make a mental note to try and make a meal plan later.
My mind swiftly changes gear, and I grab my bible and settle down on the couch with my coffee.
“MOOOOM! My milk just spilled!”
I set my bible aside and rush to wipe up the accident.
I return to my bible and coffee. I get a few verses in and one sip of coffee before I am interrupted again.
“MOOOOM! My bib is off and milk is getting on my shirt. Help!” He makes it sound like a real emergency. I have to smile at his dramatics.
The situation is fixed and I try reading again.
Two minutes later.
“MOOOOM! I’m done!!”
And so am I. Setting my Bible down, I promise myself I will read it later when the time is more convenient.
With a start like that, my day feels disorganized.
And I feel like I can never quite catch up.
Everyday I am determined to make a schedule. Wake up while it is Peaceful. To seek God in the quiet of the morning.
Like so many times before, the day ends with no schedule planned. No meal plans written. Real time with God rushed through, or forgotten in the busyness of the day.
The cycle I’m in seems to spin wildly out of control.
A vicious cycle that doesn’t seem to have an end.
So, I try harder. With more earnest.
Only to fail in my own strength.
Then the words come again.
Words that ring so true.
Words that touch every area of my life.
“For without Me, you can do nothing.”
I cannot be the beautiful person He created me to be, without Him.
I have no power to forgive, without Him.
I am not able to reach the lost, without Him
I am not capable of running a smooth, peaceful household, without Him.
So I sit down pen in hand.
I start small.
Bedtime for Bradley. Bedtime for me.
Wake-up time for me. Wake-up time for Bradley.
Then a week of meal plans.
It’s not much, but a start, and hopefully from there I can move forward.
I pray over my puny list.
I pray for grace to see this through.
Strength when it gets hard.
And a fully relying on Him.
This all still feels so raw and fresh, but I also feel an amazing change.
Some hope for this un-organized girl!
There is finally a small amount of order for my helter-skelter world! 🙂