Alive

After the cold and dead of winter comes the new life of spring.
Seemingly lifeless branches burst with new growth and life.
Flowers push their way through barren soil to display vibrant colors and beauty.
All around us is life.
Growth.
Beauty.

You see, I was there.
No, not spring.
Winter.
Barren.
Lifeless.

There are many seasons in life. We all know that.
And for me it was a reality not all that long ago.
I felt like a bare branch poking out of the ground. Barely clinging to the life buried deep inside. I was hurt. By people I love.
Relationships seemed to crumble around me. Accusations were flying. Hearts hurting. Including mine.
Misunderstandings.
Criticism.
Lies.
I couldn’t escape.
I couldn’t trust anymore.
Fearing rejection and more pain, I locked up.
Scarred.
Bleeding.
Wounds wide open and sore.

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14

There it was.
Conviction settled over my wounded heart.
Tears.

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” Matthew 18:21

So it started. The process of forgiving. After all, if I didn’t forgive, God would not forgive me.
Sobering.
Not to forgive just seven times, but seventy times seven. Seemed so unfair. But necessary.

And it was there.
Healing.
A flicker of life from deep within.
A green leaf growing from the dry, barren branches.
A petal slowly unfolding in the warmth of the sun.

Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a choice.

It wasn’t my circumstances that changed. It was my heart.
I was no longer a bare stick poking out of the ground.
I was alive.

Advertisements

One thought on “Alive

  1. Wow, Beka, I never knew there was such a writer in you. But I sure hope you keep writing. I am planning a trip to go visit a “forgiven” one in the next months so this really blessed me. How I yearn to be as forgiving as God wants me to be. I am sure this trip will be a test of that. And yet I will love because God gives me love. So thankful that you are ALIVE today and I get to spend part of the day with you! 🙂 You are special to me. Love you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s